Today I took myself out to dinner. I was in between classes and didn’t want to settle for just driving through somewhere. So I picked a place I hadn’t been in a while. Upon siting down nostalgia hit me like a ton of bricks. When I first started eating here I had just moved away from home—I was all on my own. 18 years old and naive AF. Whenever I would eat here all by myself I remember being so in my head...”What do people think about me eating all by myself? I wonder if people are judging me?” It probably seems odd, but back then I had zero confidence. I was still under the impression that curvy girls weren’t allowed to eat food especially if other people were watching. (NEWSFLASH, Chloe everyone has to eat food). Spending 23 hours a day worrying about what other people thought of me was how I spent most of my days and nights.
Now I sit here, eating the same tacos, drinking the same sweet tea and I’m....different. I’m grown(ish). I’m strong. I’m confident. I love my body and who I am. I give zero you know what’s if people are judging me because what others think about me is none of my business. I’m free to live my life and do the things I want to do and so are you. Please don’t let anyone or anything hold you back. You were made for this. Life is so complex. It’s a beautiful feeling to just be comfortable in your own skin. It’s changed my life. You can be comfortable too, I promise. Your journey to self awareness, self-love and self-care will be full of bumps along the way, but like a mountain you will rise up above them all.🤘🏼✨
You wouldn’t believe what I had to go through to get this picture. But it’s our first matching, mommy + me outfit and I don’t know why I waited so long to do it. They’re giving me all the fall vibes.✨
I was fortunate enough to meet the most amazing, genuine mama @mommycon who owns her very own mommy + me shop! After talking for over an hour, we realized we had so much in common. I’m so grateful for this page and its ability to bring me out of my shell because in doing so I have met the most incredible people. It’s about community, support and lifting each other up, even when the toughest things try to bring you down.
I hope that you gain the confidence to use your voice to make a positive impact in the world, stick up for what’s right or even get out of your comfort zone to make new mommy friends. With that being said, Vanessa @shopvanessarhea was sweet enough to offer all my followers a 20% OFF code so that you can get these shirts along with literally the cutest collection of vintage inspired and size inclusive, cozy clothes from her boutique. I bought these incredible shirts from her and I’m so thankful that I did. Go check out her page and support a mompreneur! 💪🏼
Me: Size XL
Paisley: Size 2T
Jeans: @goodamerican Size 18
Motherhood. Beautiful, challenging—learning to love yourself in a way you couldn’t have fathomed all while your heart is walking around on the outside of your body. Fears you never knew you had become reality and sacrifices you couldn’t imagine experiencing. But yet, worth it all at the end of every second, every minute of every hour, each and every single day. There is no such thing as bad moms, there is only good moms with bad days. And tomorrow...tomorrow is a new day.✨
If I am being honest, I’ve been at war with myself. How do I stay positive for myself and the people who follow me without also letting the vulnerability of being on here get to me? How the f*** do I tame the Leo in me so that I don’t battle anxiety when I feel as if I’m not doing “enough”? When people unfollow or if I don’t feel like I have a strong enough presence as I’d like, it gets under my skin. I’m an overachiever, I always have been. A few interesting things about me:
- All throughout school (even elementary) I never got detention. The worst thing that’s happen is in kindergarten I got my color changed to yellow because I wanted to make a dinosaur out of play doh for a boy that I liked. It was devastating.
- I was tested for gifted in 1st grade and passed. I graduated Summa Cum Laude & with Honors in High School. My GPA was a 4.2.
- I used to compete in weightlifting in 11th grade. My first year I placed 1st in County, 2nd in District and then competed at the state level.
- I graduated high school at 17 & graduated college with my AA when I was 19.
- I took a couple years off to grow our landscape company—our first year (we’ve only done this for 3 years full time) I took our profits from just $6000 a year to this year we are projected to break the 7 figure mark after hitting 6 figures last year.
- I decided to go back to College last year when Paisley was just 4 months old and since then every semester I’ve been on the presidents honor roll for straight A’s. I graduate with my bachelors next May then start at University of Florida in the summer for my Masters.
I seem to forget about all of my amazing,
real life accomplishments because they are drowned out by feelings of never feeling good enough. It’s a social media thing. The roots of those feelings first started when I was younger and now that I’m older I fight them everyday. I’m human. And that’s okay. I’m allowed to sit with this & I know that through experience & patience I will learn to manifest it into abundance. But for now, I’m headed off to a 3 hour college class after working all day in the hot sun.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. Good things are coming.✨
Breastfeeding my 15 month old @mommycon last weekend gave me all the feels. I just have to sit back and appreciate how blessed I am to be her mama. No, times aren’t always easy. Some days I feel like giving up and giving in. Some days I spend siting in my closet, crying my eyes out—wishing someone could come save the day. Sometimes I put her in her car seat and just drive around, tears streaming down my face because I’m so overwhelmed. But then you have days or weeks or just these singular moments paused in time where things are just “so” and it’s beautiful and magical and everything I ever wanted life to be.
It’s not perfect, no. But it’s perfectly imperfect. Everyday is a gift. These moments are flying by quicker than I can seem to catch up with and I want to soak it all in. It’s fleeting. Every second that we are alive we are writing our stories and I never want to forget that. I didn’t realize it until recently because I spent so much of my childhood wishing my life away, but it was all a part of the person I am today. And that’s how it works, each generation becoming the foundation for the next. I look at her and I see adventure, passion, innocence, strength and confidence. I want that to last inside of her forever. I never want anything to dull her sparkle or shine.
I’m not sure where this was going, but through this journey I want to share the good, the bad and the beautiful. Motherhood is all of those things and more, but on days like today where things are going better than usual I just want to remind you...
Take your victory. It’s okay to feel accomplished. It’s okay to be happy. Don’t feel guilt.
Smile and say to yourself:
“Today is a good day. Today I’m letting go of any negativity that I might have carried over from yesterday.
I am grateful. Life is good. Life is beautiful. It’s all going to be okay. I’m a bad A mama and nobody is going to tell me anything different. Today is a good day and for that, I am so grateful.”✨