What does body positive look like? It comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, colors, genders and more. It’s a feeling you have inside. Happiness. 🤘🏼
I could have let the negative thoughts that usually come into my head prevent me from posting this picture, but I love you guys and I want you to love you too. ❤️ We Are Stronger Together.
It’s been one week since we celebrated a year of breastfeeding.
One. Entire. Year.
It’s crazy to think that what started out as a bumpy road has come to such a beautiful symphony between her & I. There’s so much I could write about our journey together. The good times & the bad. How she latched beautifully but yet almost entirely refused the right breast. How I endured bloody, cracked nipples that caused me so much pain when she latched that tears would be streaming down my face. How when my milk came in I was in so much agony from engorgement that only pumping gave me relief as the clogged ducts started to set in. How my oversupply of milk led to pumping at all hours, day & night & allowed me to donate thousands of ounces to numerous mommies. How the first couple months were so hard for me because of the size of my breasts compared to the size of my baby, so only lying back breastfeeding ensured she would eat. Or even how I always, ALWAYS questioned if she was getting enough milk.
How for months I had such a forceful letdown that she would choke. How all of those things for a short time made me think I wasn’t doing anything right, but also knowing in my gut that I was a strong, badass mama. I knew it would all be worth it. Breastfeeding can be hard & it can make you doubt yourself. It is also without a doubt magical, rewarding & downright transformative. And when you & your baby finally get things right, you look into their eyes like you have wanted to for your entire life & you feel it in your marrow that you’d do it all over again a million times more. Because for them, you would do absolutely anything in the world.
Here’s to celebrating ONE whole year of challenges, ONE whole year of learning, ONE whole year of accomplishing things I never knew I could. Here’s to bonding with you on the many levels of motherhood that you present me with everyday. And to manifesting an irreplaceable connection with my entire heart and soul. My daughter. I don’t know how long we have left on this journey or where it’s going to take us, but I feel okay with wherever it leads because I love you. ❤️ #breastfeeding
I remember back when Paisley was this small. I was one week postpartum & my body had just been through so much. I struggled to feel grounded when it felt like the earth beneath me had shifted. I would hold her like this and everything else would melt away. My mind would stop thinking about the postpartum belly that was still poking out. I forgot about the pain in my back from where the epidural had been or the heavy bleeding as my uterus shrunk to it’s pre pregnancy size.
It was just her and I. In this tiny little bubble that we created as I nuzzled myself closer and closer to her skin. I could feel the oxytocin lifting my spirits as I breathed in her newborn baby smell. I would sway from side to side, remembering how just a few weeks before I would hold my hand over my belly & do the same thing. Feeling her move & grow inside of me. Connecting. Bonding.
A few months passed & I learned that the only way she would fall asleep at night would be if I rocked her to sleep. Holding her so close I would repetitively sing her every lullaby that I knew. There we were, nuzzled close to each other, breathing in her glowing 5 month old baby skin, the oxytocin still triggering this sense of love & peace that flooded my brain. I would close my eyes & everything else would fade.
Anxiety would melt. Depression would disappear. It was just her & I.
Now she is older & she isn’t as needy as she once was. But every once in a blue moon as her eyes get heavy & the tiredness of the day sets in—we rock & we sway, back & forth, back & forth. I find myself back in that same place where we found comfort for so many months before. I hold her close to me, nuzzled up to her face, smelling her sweet skin—the oxytocin bringing tears of happiness & love to my eyes thinking about how far we’ve come. Realization hits me. You could rip the clothes off my back. You could burn the house down around me. Take every dollar I have to my name & it still wouldn’t matter because in these moments I have everything that I would ever need to make it in this life, right here in my arms.
And finally, finally—I felt grounded.
Yesterday someone on here called me a fatass. Somebody I don’t even know. A total stranger. A troll. My first reaction was my stomach dropping to my butt in full blown anxiety. Why would someone be that mean to me? Especially on such a beautiful post that has resonated with so many women + mothers + soon to be mothers. I look at the picture I had posted and only see beauty. Curves and rolls and stretch marks—all given to me from the life changing process that is growing a human within your body. I let those feelings of insecurity and shame roll over my shoulders, down my back and onto the floor. Remembrance of bullies in elementary, middle and high school flood my brain as I try and let go of the pain that some random persons words caused me. Tears were streaming down my face and that’s when it hit me,
What’s so wrong with being fat? What’s wrong with curves? What’s wrong with these tiger stripes, and the way these creamy rolls fold up when I lay a certain way? We have GOT to separate the negativity associated with the the word f a t. I’m fat and that’s OK. I love salads with my cookies and I’ll drink an effing milkshake with my organic quinoa salad. It’s about balance and it’s nobody’s business but my own!
I’m gently reminding myself every single day that my own body image, self worth and self love are not dependent on what other people think of me. My body is exactly where it needs right now and nobody, I mean NOMOTHAF*CKINGBODY is going to tell me anything different. 🤘🏼
#bodylove #bodyacceptance #bodypositive #loveyourbody #embraceyourbody #allbodiesarebeautiful #bodyconfident #curvymodel #bodyloveforall #celebratemysize #selflovequotes #trusttheprocess #stopbodyshaming #positivebodyimage #beautybeyondsize #glitterstripes #effyourbeautystandards
So I just realized I forgot to tell you all what happened a couple Sundays ago, Paisley started to walk! She took three big steps, one after another and I instantly burst into tears. She was lifting one foot at a time like they each weighed a hundred pounds. It was the cutest, funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
I thought for sure she’d start walking a lot sooner. Maybe it’s just me, but I was hoping she’d be one of those prodigy babies that at a year old would have a mouth full of teeth, walking around like it’s nobody’s business while she was playing the violin. I’m kidding of course. But then I remembered that I’m hanging onto every single second hoping that she’ll always stay my little baby. Now she is walking on and off, never more than a couple steps at a time but I can tell her confidence is growing everyday. I’m sad that she’s growing up, but I can’t wait for all the adventures we’re gonna have once she starts walking all the time. I know what you’re thinking, be careful what you wish for. But I’m a glutton for punishment. 🤷🏼♀️
When did your little one start to walk? Any tips or tricks to keep her little legs a moving? 😝
#motherhood #livethelittlethings #postpartum #seekthesimplicity #motherhoodsimplified #liveauthentic #darlingmovement #motherhoodtribe #momcommunity #thrivewhereistand #ig_motherhood #momentsofmine #liveunscripted #picoftheday #documentyourdays #momblogger #honestmotherhood #unitedmotherhood #motherhoodthroughinstagram #motherhoodrising #momlifestyle #photogram #candidphotography #momlifeisthebestlife #mommyvlogger #motherhoodunhinged #momsofig #pumpingmama #photography #candidchildhood
ONE. I’m looking through pictures of the night I gave birth to her & I really don’t know where all the time has gone. You hear people say that so much that it’s almost over used but it couldn’t be more true. I’m going to be sharing her entire birth story on here + my blog because I think it’s finally time I write it down and share it with the world. Without going into too much detail, I can tell you that nothing went the way it was supposed to go.
But at the end of it all I realized that as long as I ended up with my sweet, beautiful squishy baby in my hands then that’s all that mattered.
Paisley, you’re a year old now but you’ve always been my big girl. You came out quiet as can be just looking around like “what are you guys all staring at?”. The nurse took your picture just moments after you were born and you looked straight into the camera. Within minutes you were talking to me and rooting for my breast. You latched right away. I have asked myself from the second you were born if I’m a good enough mom for you. I question my abilities daily because I just want to be everything you need and more. Then I look at you right now with those chubby cheeks, your big smile full of 3 little teeth and the deepest blue eyes behind long beautiful blonde hair and I know in that moment that I AM good enough. After all the pain and heart ache I’ve experienced in my life, I deserve you. I deserve this. I always feel like I won’t get to keep you. Like you are just too sweet and too cute and I’m just too in love with you for you to stay mine, but it’s all a lie. You’re mine and I’m yours. My little best friend. My entire heart. My entire world all right there in that smile and those eyes and that hair. I love you Paisley so so so so much that my heart might just explode today.
You were the answer to everything.
My missing piece.
Happy birthday my sweet baby. ❤️