motherhood

The Battle of Many.

Wow. You guys are beyond amazing. A few weeks ago I posted a picture of myself with the caption detailing some of the struggles I went through during pregnancy and after regarding an*****and de********. You might be wondering why I typed those words like that. Well, to give you just a sliver of my background with these two things. The reason behind it is that I struggled with those two words. Anxiety + Depression. A couple of years ago when I went through the deepest parts of my sadness and nervousness (words that didn’t trigger me during that time) I literally couldn’t even say those words. It would actually make me have trouble breathing and I would feel like the entire world was siting on my chest. It took months of therapy, hypnosis, and CBT techniques to rid me of the feeling those words would give me. To this day I am 100x better than I ever was, but I still struggle. Especially around my period. The fluctuation of hormones during and after pregnancy are no joke and I shared with you guys what I went through obsessing about whether or not I would have post partum depression.

I’m not even really sure where I was going with this blog post, I just want whoever is reading this to know that they are not alone. I have heard from so many mamas about how they shared these same fears and its astonishing to me that we don’t talk about it more. Why let our insecurities about motherhood sit and simmer deep down inside of ourselves? Are we scared of what others might think? Are we afraid that if we speak about it out-loud that it will some how make it come true? I don’t know the answer but I do know that it has to stop. We need to support each other. We need to start the conversation. It’s critical to our survival.

TALK TO SOMEONE. Tell them what you are thinking. Say the things out in the open that scare you the most. Let the fear roll from your tongue, off your lips and into the world so that the weight of the words can leave your shoulders and your heart. Don’t hold your thoughts and feelings inside. I can guarantee you that you aren’t the only person on this entire planet of 8+ billion people that is feeling or has felt those same things at one point or another.

I haven’t really quite figured out how this whole blog thing is going to work, but one thing I know for certain is that I want to continue sharing stories just like this one. Next week I plan on posting Part 1 of my birth story because even though it has been a year since I gave birth to Paisley, I finally feel like I can open up about my experiences as they were so intense and really transformed me into this entirely different woman. I would never have had the courage to do all of this if it wasn’t for ladies + gentleman right here so thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to find me on Instagram or email me through here. Lets talk. I’m here for you.

with all my heart, chloe.

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